Friday, February 13, 2009

What is your reaction to our discussions of assisted reproduction?

Timely, I think! :)  

I don't have an inherent negative  reaction to the idea of a surrogate being used in the case of many that we spoke of. I do, however, have an issue with people hiring someone to carry their baby because it's just too hard, or their job is too pressing. For those that consider pregnancy a burden, I have news for you. Parenthood takes a lot more out of you.

 I must add here that being a parent has been great for me. I love my kids, and am so proud of what and who they have become and are becoming. I did not have the parents that make me the ideal mom- indeed, I had my daughter when I was 20 and single- hardly ideal. But in our case, things went really well, she is a lovely 26 year old woman, and I am very proud of her. I took care of her needs myself, and we did a great job together. To this day, we are still very good friends- and yet, when she needs, I can still be her mom. 

So, I do differ from a few- Motherhood was important to me- perhaps not in the way that conjures up the biological clock- who has a biological clock at 19?? But for me, I think it was a way to right a wrong. I remember saying to myself at 10 that I would not do my parents had done.  And it meant a lot to me to create the magic and joy that I have always felt childhood could be. It's not always that, needless to say, but for the most part, my memories of these times with the kids when they were young are full of grace- it's the only word I can think of to describe what it felt like to me.

Okay, that being out of the way....

I DO think that there is a biological clock. I think it does get louder as you get older. Some don't have it, and I think that's great...and they probably get a lot more done with their lives then those that choose to have kids. But to deny that it exists is (imo) very unfair. I don't think that everyone can override this desire - after all, isn't it all about re-creation anyway? The main purpose of life is to create more life, at least from the biological standpoint. 

I know that we have free will, and it's possible to override desire, and indeed in many cases, it's imperative that we do so. But when it comes to the desire of a woman to have a child, this might just be beyond that, and to say that these women do not have the right to use some other method to try and have a child is something that I can't do.

But, I do not support it in all the ways that it appears to be happening. The most obvious example is of the woman in CA. First, I very much believe that the MD needs to be drawn and quartered. What he did in implanting those embryos is akin to abuse. In some ways, this case may actually be (oh...I sound Kantian here) the catalyst for the reform that the industry needs.  Industry seems like a harsh word for making babies, but I think it might just be that.

I have 2 very good friends that are MD's- both have had some sort of IF- the first, she and her husband had trouble on their own, and so, Evan was created in a test tube. He knows it and they are open about it. 

The 2nd is more difficult for me. This woman was single, and did not want a man involved so she could maintain control. Her baby was a sperm bank baby- unknown father- just a number. This one, even when she told me about it, still rings hollow- something about it does not feel "right" to me. Her daughter is lovely, and she is a good mom, (controlling- no surprise there...).

I guess it's okay- or rather, I can't see anything that I can pin on it that would be considered wrong.  But something about it seems strange, wrong and George Orwell-esque to me. 

I do believe that there needs to be regulation. Some board needs to oversee these practices- and set guidelines. I suppose in our society that might cause concern- it is a control, but since we have chosen (as a society) to regulate things such as abortion, assisted suicide and what we consider "life", it seems as if this falls into the same sort of perimeters.  Again, I think our current media attention of the case in California might just be the catalyst that we need to bring attention to a situation that has flown very happily, under the radar. 

No comments: