Sunday, February 1, 2009

at 98, you should win

It seems, on every level, that at 98, you would be able to win if you say "no". No to Cpap, no to being in the hospital, and her only positive, yes, it's time to die.

You have to wonder WHY her kids, both men very much into adulthood, keep on pushing- and she keeps saying (in her own garbled, missing her teeth, obviously pissed off way) "I want to go home!" This is VERY clear. The only thing that seems clear to me in this scenario.

Each turn hurts, each move is excruciating for her. She is weeping everywhere, and has no control. Since we are trying to keep her alive, she has had no sleep, so the ICU psychosis is setting in. Starting an IV in someone this age? Well, it's one thing that no one wants to do. RT is annoyed at the decisions being made. RN's and MDs are just amazed. She is DNR, she is miserable, she is 98.... good God, what is the logic here?

Maybe I am just tired.

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