Wednesday, January 21, 2009

The day that was a swirl of emotion....

Today the feeling is of loss, sadness and aching- I cannot imagine such a feeling stemming from such a place- from an emptiness I did not even know was there. 
To write this seems stupid- to feel this seems the only thing- but to what end? I am so sad, so miserable, so wanting something but how can I even want something so intangible? I have never felt as if a person made up my being, completed me in such a way. I take at face value what I feel and wrap it up in the softest of emotions, protecting and cherishing it. I feel very protective- and know that this is the right way to feel.
Never want to hurt anyone, never want to cause pain. Never want to pull myself into a vortex of emotion that feels endless. Smart enough to know better. Not able to say "no" in this case. I was not looking- actually really not looking.  Content- I would have called me content.
I am far from that right now. I am a swirling mass of emotions, containing (barely) the energy that pours towards him. I am with him, yet it's not enough. I want more, but don't want to disturb- and am I wrong? I may be wrong. If I am, then this is the strongest wrong I have ever been. 

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