Nothing makes you think like the death of a child. Nothing is as hard as hearing that a child, a child you have met, a child that is the age of your child, has died. Quickly, shockingly. Life is so very fragile, and so very quick- and suddenly things go to a place that is very hard to understand. Blink of eye quick. A poor decision, a poor choice made by another can change things so quickly that we don't even know how to respond.
My heart breaks for the parents, for his sister, who lives. She was able to talk to him as he died- but how hard will her life be? How hard will things be for her as she moves on? His parents- my God I cannot imagine.
I remember the last real hugs I got from my son- Since I have a grown daughter, I know about those last hugs. He is a young man now, one that does not want to include me in his life as I used to be included. I know that's the way, but...but...but.... I miss those hugs and moments.
So, each hug that I got from him as he approached his teen years, I knew might be my last real little boy hug, the kind that brings tears to your eyes as you smell the mix of young and new in them. We let our children slowly grow away from us. It's the way things work. At times, we cling on more, hold them closer then they want to be held. I treasure that smell of child, mixed with something different and unfamilar. Its those things in life that means "mom".
Mom- means so much. I don't know if I ever got to feel it, in a secure sense that I hope my kids feel, but I do know that I know the intense nature of that love. It is larger then me. Each of my kids are loved in that fierce way. I am glad to be able to love them that way. I don't think we could ever love them too much, hug them enough or let them know too often that they are loved.
I could go on, but I won't.
My heart goes out to his parents, to his family, to his friends. As hard as it is to imagine, we all know that life is indeed fragile and quick.